September 13, 2007

I miss my girl.


Disc golf chart

February 24, 2007

Jacob, Drew, and I went to play disc golf yesterday and we decided it was about time to buy new discs. The guy at Play It Again Sports (read: Buy It Again) pulled out this big chart of disc statistics similar to Innova’s chart that encompassed all of the discs. It organized all of the discs from both Innova and Discraft (and maybe some others like Aerobie, I’m not familiar enough with the names of their discs to know). It’s an indredibly useful tool and I’ll definitely use it in the future. Here’s the link:

Joe’s Flight Chart

The one and only

February 21, 2007

Seriously, my Melissa is a unique and amazing human being.

I’ve been around for at least what I consider a while. Sure to the older folks, 21 years plus a little seems like a blink as I’m not even half your age, but I’ve spent a lot more time than the average 21-year-old thinking and pondering life and the world we live in. One of the many conclusions I’ve come to, then boiled down all the excess from, is that as a good general blanket statement about the world, we humans don’t think enough. Yes that’s a simple idea in and of itself, but think of the ramifications of that statement. Think about how different the world we live in would be if we all just thought about things a little more. So many poor decisions could be eliminated with the simple act of taking a moment more than is usual to consider the repercussions of actions before taking them. How many lives could be saved and how many accidents could be prevented by simply thinking logically through things before we do them?

I apologize for my being sidetracked by how much more I tend to think about things than most people my age or possibly any age on this rock we call Earth. That is not to say I always make the most logical and reasonable decision, but generally, when I make a poor decision I first acknowledge that it is a poor decision and decide to follow through with it anyway. Such is my weakness. But even so, if I make a poor decision and someone else makes the same poor decision without much thought, I still consider my decision to be better educated and therefore a better decision overall.

Back to the topic after which I have named this entry (as that is my main purpose for naming things, to make sure I at least address that which I initially intended.) My girl is simply awesome. I don’t mean that in the sense that the Ninja Turtles use it (although it’s perfectly applicable here) but in the direct definition of the word: “causing wonder and astonishment.” I am still baffled at my incredible luck in finding such an awesome girl as Melissa is for me. That’s not to say that either she or I am the perfect being, but I am saying that from what I’ve gathered in my stay on the planet that I refer to as life, I have never met anyone that I’ve had even close to the emotional/spiritual/physical connection as I do to this girl.

A lot of people may hassle me/us or not understand the age difference between us, but I can assure you that there is (as best as my experience can judge) no one else out there that is a better match for either of us. Melissa is the first person I’ve met in my life that I can be completely straight/myself with and know that everything will be alright.

Everyone is different to different people. Of course I don’t tell my parents or my brother or my best friends everything about myself or all the same things. It’s regretful that I’m a different person around different people, but that’s how we are as humans and I’m prepared to defend myself against any contrary argument that the way we are is a reasonable way to be. An example would be the way people act around children. Many people swear and cuss, but hold their tongues in this department around children because it’s better for us to set a good example by not doing such things around them. This is just one among many examples I can mention on this topic, if you’re more interested, ask me in person and I will expound upon this topic for you.

Regardless, we as people get very good at wearing different masks around different people and the person that I have found that I don’t have to wear a mask around is Melissa. No matter what I do or who I am, she accepts and loves me for who I am. I am/do my best to be the same way with her. Sure she will do petty things on occasion that irritate or bug me, but then when I step back and think about it, I still love her and care all the same and whatever bugged me is gone and irrelevant. All of this comes back to the whole thing I said above about just thinking more. If we’d all step back and think more, everything would make a lot more sense and poor decisions would likely be less frequent.

To close things off (as I have a comfy bed that calls my name), Melissa, (to quote Incubus) “you’re an exception to the rule, you’re a bonafide rarity, you’re all I ever wanted.” Seriously. As lame as it may sound, I mean it all. There is no other source that I have found to give me such a euphoric and incredible feeling of well-being as Melissa. If everyone had a Melissa, the world would be a much happier place. I firmly believe that.

Late Night Photo Adventure!!

February 15, 2007

Tonight (technically this morning) my room mate Jacob and I went on campus around 12:20am. It was my idea, as the purpose was snow photography, and it took minimal prodding to get him to come along. He was good company and gave a couple ideas, along with holding the tripod so I could retain some feeling in my hands. I went into the excursion with one picture in mind and it turned out to be the most lame of them all, but such is photography.

Normally I state that one of the great features of digital is the ability to both review and take nearly limitless photos looking for the right one. This was not the case tonight, as I unfortunately left my battery charger at home and didn’t notice this until my first battery was completely drained and the second one was near empty. I am truly surprised by the number of shots I was able to take and overall pretty pleased with the results. I think tonight I happened to get most of the good ones at the right times. I uploaded a number of them to Flickr for general viewing and the ones there tend to be the better ones of the bunch but scaled down a bit to save on my uploading limit per month (as if I’ll be uploading pictures taken with my dead batteries…). Please feel free to comment on this set and any and all of my pictures posted up there. I really look forward to the feedback.

Here is a link to the photo set:

and you can find the one to my main Flickr page in the stuff to the right.

Twisted Nerve

February 1, 2007

A high school friend of mine has an internet radio show that will be debuting this Saturday from 6:00-8:00p. I plan to listen to find out what it’s all about and support someone who supported Omega Red. Here’s the blip that describes the show:

Twisted Nerve provides a great variety of music with a mix of talk that is anything but normal. Straying away from cookie-cutter evening broadcasts; this is your chance to stand on my soapbox and rant about issues that really matter to you. I’ll keep you posted on important campus items and discuss everything from random notables to the legitimate dilemmas of college life; all while getting you into full weekend mode with the amazing mix of music that is sure to please even the pickiest of music aficionados. Prep for your Saturday night with a twist and Twisted Nerve.

and her show page:

I’ll plan on listening and if you’re at all interested, you should too.

My Girl

January 31, 2007

My girl is incredible, and I do mean to use that word to the exact definition it had when it became a word which is simply un believable. It’s a strange surreal thing, as I do know for a fact that she exists and is my girl, but at the same time I’m constantly checking myself and making sure this is all real. Seeing as we’re coming up on around six months (neither one of us can really pinpoint when we started dating, and neither one of us cares enough to really keep track of it so I do mean “around”) and I still have yet to find anything I think will be any sort of road bump for us. Frankly, I’m still in that “new relationship” love with her and I can’t even begin to imagine that ever going away.

Normally (or at least in my past experience) I feel excited for the future (with the given relationship) for a few months, then it shortly thereafter fades into more of a habitual relationship, one that just feels comfortable. This is usually the stage when you begin ripping in front of each other and discussing otherwise disgusting or embarassing things (such as how bad of a dump you have to take or having really bad runs the night before that kept you awake).

The thing that’s so different about this one is that she and I were already at that stage before we began dating. That awkwark stage that is inevitable with everyone you ever meet lasted maybe one day, then we were as comfortable with each other as a couple who’d been together for years, and we weren’t even dating!

We both share so many of the same views, goals and life aspirations that it’s amazing. We especially agree on so many things that I think are necessary for a succesful relationship that go against “ideals” that are so often wished for by little girls that fantasize about getting married before they can even legally drive. Most of my opinions I’ve developed myself or at least adopted to fit me, but most of them were developed through my past relationship experiences and my observations of others.

First and foremost, you and your partner should not complete each other, you need to be two complete individuals who complement each other in your relationship. That is if your significant other completes you then they are, in essence, your crutch. I’m not saying it can’t work, but if one of you has no arms and the other no legs, you will be at a severe disadvantage when compared to the couple that each have both. Sorry for the morbid example, but you get what I mean. If ever you need your partner to be there for you, you don’t want the person you need help from to be incomplete without you.

That’s the most important piece of advice I could give to any young person looking for a good relationship. The next one ties in with the incomplete theme, don’t marry someone you can’t live without, but someone you can live with. This one is obviously from my observation. Basically, you surely don’t want to base your existance on any relationship as we are all human. I don’t necessarily mean that we’ll all screw up, but we are all mortal and if you were in ever left with the thinking capacity of a tree by some accident or something, would you want the person making the decisions to be one that can’t hold it together without you? The other part of the concept is the living arrangements issue. Before you choose to marry someone, you better be committed enough and damn sure about it that you can live with them for the rest of your life and not hate them too much. That isn’t to say you should live with them to see if it’s a problem first; all couples that live together will have at least someproblems, but as a married couple, you should be able to get over that.

Enough preaching for this entry as I’ve clearly strayed from my main topic/purpose. Melissa and I do both agree on the two bolded statements very strongly. While it would be a great disappointment to me to break up with her, I’d still have my identity as Ben and I’d still be fine. I am complete without her, and she is complete without me, but we do both greatly complement each other I believe.

Frankly, I miss Melissa incredibly. I’ve never really had a lot of trouble with separation anxiety or anything in the past (ask my mom) but I really do genuinely miss her. Sure I’ve used the words “I miss you” in the past for various reasons and I don’t mean to down-play them right now, but I don’t think I’ve ever meant them in the sense that I’ve used them as of late. It’s strange to me, as I’m not used to it, and I really can’t explain it as once again my limited craftsmanship in the english language has failed me. I know I’ll be seeing her within two days, but that still doesn’t seem soon enough, and even then it won’t be for long enough.

My girl is the most amazing girl to me, and that’s how I think it should be. I wish everone else in the world could experience what I have as it’s truly something remarkable. I have yet to experience a more intoxicating, more enjoyable, more blissful feeling than laughing with the girl I love. I love my girl.

Torrent search I use…

January 23, 2007

I stumbled upon a really useful torrent search engine the other day at that searches several of the major torrent databases at once and presents the results in a very friendly way. Just thought I’d share that.

A painting from my dream

December 20, 2006

In my dream just a few moments ago I remember being conscious of the fact that it was a dream for just long enough to want to remember what the painting in it looked like. Melissa had created some art, I assume it was a form of painting, but I could be mistaken. Upon waking up it took a considerable amount of concentration to recall what I had “left a mental note” to remember from the dream. Once I realized it was the painting I could and still can vividly remember exactly what the art looked like. It was beautiful. I remember being slightly confused by it in the dream, but now that I am awake and thinking about it, it was perfectly normal and very easy to see what it was.

The piece of art was probably 3’x5′, maybe a little wider to fit the subject matter. It was, in essence, a big map of the continents. Each different continent had a different color set and was colored in strips that looked in the dream were confusing but now that I can think seemed to be the different temperatures accross the regions (North America was shades of green and South America was yellows, Antarctica was blues, Europe was purples, Africa was yellows, Russia was reds, and Australia was oranges. The part that made the artwork unique enough to catch my eye was the material/appearance of the colors. I don’t know what it was, but it was very reflective and possibly shiny. The oceans were shades of brown, so as not to take away from the luminescence of the continents.

I’m thinking about trying to do some sort of mock-up in photoshop, just to see if I can somehow recreate it to show others and to look at myself and see if it really was all I thought it was in the dream.

Praise the Lord! I can be thin…

December 13, 2006

I just don’t know what I’d do with myself if it wasn’t for the e-mails I get that give me the option to “Forget about obesity!” First, does that necessarily apply to me and my current physical condition or will this help me to simply forget that there is an obesity problem in America and let me finally rid my mind of that which plagues me day in and day out. Upon opening the e-mail, I was informed that I can get “Viagra Professional!” AMAZING!! Now ALL my problems are solved; no more worrying about fatties and no more embarrassing moments when I just can’t get it up!

Are there really that many people that see these e-mails and crap themselves with excitement, unable to contain the joy within that there may be help for poor, helpless little them? One thing these e-mails do do for me is remind me how sad the world is and raise my self esteem over the supernatural abilities I have, such as the ability to eat healthy enough to be thin and get it up on a whim. I really am amazing. Thank you world for lowering the bar.

Happy Un-Birthday

December 13, 2006

I’d just like to wish a very Happy Un-Birthday to Melissa, who as of yesterday is 18, which should help me get a few less raised eyebrows in response to people asking how old she is 😀 The eyebrows really don’t bother me, I will kind of miss them because it’s often amusing. I think the main reason they don’t bother me is because I really don’t care what those people think about it. They often don’t know the two of us and everyone who has seen us together completely understands that the age difference is neither a barrier nor in any way the reason we’re dating.

I apologize for my “A.D.D.-ness” in that last paragraph, it takes away from the original purpose of this post, which is how happy I am/was for Melissa and her recently passed birthday. I can’t wait to come home and tell her again in person and give her my gifts 😀 I just need to remember which ones I got for her birthday and which ones I got for Christmas…

Back to studying!